'They Don't Pine Like They Used To': An Exploration of Love and Toxicity in Male RnB

Let’s take it back to the 90s, an era often celebrated as the golden age of RnB—where love was revered as an experience. Romance was depicted as sweeping and all-encompassing, often portrayed through evocative imagery of devotion and yearning. The music of this time reinforced these ideals, with slow-burning ballads and impassioned storytelling. Songs like Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love to You and Jodeci’s Forever My Lady presented love as an intense and sacred commitment. The former conveys devotion through sensuality, promising undivided attention and tenderness, while the latter envisions love as a lifelong promise, emphasising security and family. These tracks exemplify how the era championed grand declarations of love, reinforcing the nostalgic imagery of a man standing in the rain, professing his emotions, or holding up a boombox in an ultimate romantic gesture.

However, the widespread belief that 90s RnB was inherently more romantic than today’s music is shaped more by nostalgia than reality. While love ballads flourished, the genre also delved into heartbreak, infidelity, and desire—sometimes veiled as romance, sometimes in stark contrast to it. RnB has always been multifaceted in its themes, reflecting the complexities of relationships rather than painting them in a solely amorous light. Craig David’s 7 Days demonstrates how desire was often conflated with love, portraying a whirlwind romance fuelled by fleeting encounters. Likewise, Joe’s All the Things (Your Man Won’t Do) frames romance as a contest, where love is about surpassing another man rather than forming a sincere emotional bond. Even songs that pleaded for redemption, such as 112’s Cupid and Jagged Edge’s Good Luck Charm, underscore how vulnerability and imperfection were integral to RnB’s portrayal of love.

A deeper look at this era reveals how artists balanced these themes. While there was a clear emphasis on love and devotion, there was also an underlying tension, where romance frequently came with conditions. The grand gestures that we associate with 90s RnB often coexisted with narratives of redemption, insecurity, and emotional negotiation. Love was not always presented as pure and unwavering, but rather as something to be fought for, sustained, or even reclaimed.

One of the most significant transformations in RnB emerged with its deepening ties to hip-hop in the late 90s and early 2000s. This evolution infused the genre with a grittier realism, where confidence and self-assurance began to replace the vulnerability that had previously defined RnB narratives. Hip-hop’s influence encouraged a shift towards authenticity over idealism, shaping the way artists articulated emotions. Usher’s transition from the heartfelt remorse of Throwback to the club-driven bravado of Yeah! on the same album illustrates his ability to navigate the genre during a transitional period. Ne-Yo’s So Sick can be seen as the epitome of this change. The singer embraces emotional exposure yet rejects the notion of 'love songs', a staple in earlier RnB narratives. Male RnB artists began expressing emotions with a guarded demeanour, favouring introspection over extravagant gestures.

The performative aspects of RnB also experienced a drastic shift over time. The 90s were an era where male RnB artists not only sang about love but embodied it—through choreography, dramatic music videos, and theatrical live performances. Ginuwine’s Pony was as much a spectacle as a song, with 'interesting' choreography amplifying its sensuality. Keith Sweat’s signature performances, which recently resurfaced in viral videos, serve as a testament to how deeply ingrained these visual elements were in the genre. Movement was a fundamental component of expression, intensifying the emotions behind the music. However, contemporary male RnB artists gravitate towards minimalism, focusing on mood, atmosphere, and subtlety. Artists like Elmiene, Sampha, Odeal, and JVCK JAMES exemplify this shift in UK RnB, with songs such as Elmiene’s Sweetness and Sampha’s (No One Knows Me) Like the Piano prioritising intimacy and self-reflection over grandiose romantic displays.

This transformation is not just stylistic but also cultural. Today’s male RnB mirrors a world where emotional expression is more nuanced, where love is explored with a sense of self-awareness rather than unrestrained idealism. In the US, artists such as PARTYNEXTDOOR, Bryson Tiller, 6LACK, and Brent Faiyaz embody a more introspective and self-protective approach to love. Exchange by Bryson Tiller leans into nostalgia and regret rather than unwavering devotion, while Brent Faiyaz’s Rehab (Winter in Paris) presents romance through a lens of detachment and raw honesty. 6LACK’s Disconnect similarly depict love as turbulent, fragmented, and hindered by personal struggles, departing from the gallantry and chivalry of past decades.

This evolution is not universal. Across Africa, romance in RnB remains at the forefront, with artists continuing to celebrate love in ways reminiscent of 90s Western music. Wizkid’s Made in Lagos album, often described as sonically romantic, embraces instrumentation influenced by jazz and afrobeat. Essence and True Love highlight passion and devotion, proving that the supposed decline of romance in RnB is largely a Western perception rather than a global reality.

The idea that male RnB has lost its romantic core is more a reflection of shifting societal attitudes than a definitive truth about the genre itself. While the articulation of love has evolved, the fundamental themes of yearning, devotion, and emotional depth remain deeply woven into the music. Modern RnB allows these themes to stand on their own, without being confined to conventional narratives of heartbreak and infidelity. If anything, today’s RnB presents love in a more intricate and realistic manner, embracing the complexities of relationships rather than merely idealising them.

Ultimately, nostalgia wields a powerful influence over how we perceive music, often leading us to glorify the past while overlooking its nuances. The golden age of RnB was never solely about love—it encapsulated the entire spectrum of relationships, from passion to heartache. Today’s RnB continues that legacy, just through a different perspective, proving that while the expression of love may evolve, its essence remains timeless.